To who I was & who I will become

Five Years by Corbett Barr

There will be an agreement in whatever variety of actions, so they be each honest and natural in their hour. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

What would you say to the person you were five years ago? What will you say to the person you’ll be in five years?

(Author: Corbett Barr)

5 Years Ago


It’s going to be ok. Yes, you are leaving for Korea next month and you don’t know where you are going to stay or what you are going to do or even the name of a single person in the country. And yes, by any sane person’s standards, what you are doing is crazy, dangerous, and more than a little irresponsible. Of course you’re terrified. You’d be an idiot not to be.

But here’s the thing- You know it is the right thing to do. Despite the panic that sometimes says you are seriously delusional you know the truth- God is behind this trip. He gave you the idea, he set it up, and he is handling the details. Believe me, there is no better trip planner in the world. When you are freaking out on the plane cling to that tiny little certainty in your heart and ask God to let it be enough. It will be.

You will get lost. You will get sick. You will feel like you are melting from the heat. You will be embarrassed and confused and frustrated and angry. You will get cheated by a taxi driver, accidentally stay in a love motel, receive 3 marriage proposals, and stain all your clothes while trying to learn to use chopsticks.

It’s so worth it.

You will become a confident traveler. You will learn to trust your roommate as you take her “medicine”. You will not melt, and you will get to see a beautiful fall. You will hang-out in a rice paddy, go to a film festival, meet tons of wonderful people, learn to love an entire new cuisine, be regularly asked if you are a movie star, play ping-pong against a man with no hands, and give directions to lost tourists.

Most of all- you will pray. You will pray out of desperation and out of gratefulness. You will see God move on your behalf time and again. You will come to know him in a way you never have before. Especially as your provider and protector.

You will never see the world the same.

5 Years From Now

What can I say? I have NO idea where you are living or what you are doing. I’ve quit trying to see that far ahead.

I do hope, VERY MUCH HOPE, that you are married. And that kiddo one is already around, or at least on the way. I’d like to think you’ve gotten a handful of novels written. It would be awesome if you’d sold one too. Or a script. Whatever.

I suppose all I can say is that from here the future looks pretty good.

In case you’ve forgotten- Adventures are worth the risk.

Stay curious, keep reading, & avoid eating the beans with the white slime on them.

Where do you want to go before you die?

Travel by Chris Guillebeau

If we live truly, we shall see truly.– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Not everyone wants to travel the world, but most people can identify at least one place in the world they’d like to visit before they die. Where is that place for you, and what will you do to make sure you get there?

(Author: Chris Guillebeau)

I always said I wanted to go to every country in the world. It was a throwaway answer, something I said because I do love to travel and it sounded cool and it was impossible anyway so, why not? Then I started reading Chris’s blog. (Yes, the Chris who wrote today’s prompt. I HIGHLY recommend that you check it out)

After only a few months I had to quit saying that I wanted to visit every country because here was a man who was doing it.

By the age of 35.

It was no longer just something to be said with a knowledge that it was impossible. Suddenly it WAS possible, if it was a priority. Which it’s not.

I do enjoy traveling. I do quite a bit of it. I’d like to see a lengthy list of countries, cities, and sites. However, while travel itself is a priority in my life (and I plan on keeping it as one even once I have a family) I don’t really want to go to every single country in the world. I do, however, have the goal of going to every continent at least once.

Still, this is a hard prompt because I can, with absolutely no hesitation, name off 25 places I’m dying to visit. I finally narrowed it down by imagining someone offering me $10,000 to go any place I want, as long as I left right then. My gut answer?

-The U.K.

I spent 23 hours in London and loved every second of it. I have every intention of returning someday and spending a longer amount of time in that amazing city. And Scotland is on my top 5 list. Especially Northern Scotland, up where it’s still quite wild and barren. Such a breath-taking, beautiful country.

The 2nd part of that question is difficult for me to answer. I know I should have a plan for getting there, setting aside money and such. But I’m already planning a different trip for next summer- Southeast Asia. My goal is to hit 2-4 countries while I’m there. So I really can’t think about going to the U.K. anytime soon. But I will. And that’s not an idle comment, I’ve proven that I can and will go exploring.

I understand the point of that question is that so very many people talk and dream and talk about going places but they never actually go. It’s a shame. And it drives me nuts. Either shut up and go, or admit, out loud and publicly, that you are not going and never intended to do so. Don’t keep saying you are but never taking steps to make it happen.

But please go. Believe me, it’s so worth it. When you go overseas 3 things will happen. Well, far more than 3 but this is my blog and these are the ones I’m focusing on.

1-You will appreciate America more. It’s not a perfect country but it’s a damn good country and I have a far greater appreciation for it now.

2-You will have a greater sympathy for tourists, visitors, and immigrants. Even the simplest of tasks are frightening and exhausting when you can’t understand the language or behavior of the people around you. Going to a grocery store can take hours while reducing you to tears and a numbing weariness, and then you still might not have anything edible to eat at the end of it.

3-You will be changed. You will have experiences that others have not had, and they will mark you. I remember standing on a mountain in WY and realizing that of all the billions of people who have ever existed I was in an almost immeasurably small group who had seen the sight stretched out before me. It was humbling and empowering at the same time. I’ve had similar moments, I now call them “movie moments” because they seem like something straight from Hollywood, both here and overseas.

Getting sprayed by chilly water when a whale clapped her 40 foot flippers together an intimidatingly close distance from the bow of the boot I was on.

Eating ribs on a Korean beach at sunset while an International film festival kicked off behind me, the sound of 1000’s of screaming fans drowning out the gulls.

Standing on London Bridge one freezing cold February morning and watching the sky turn gold before the sun finally rose over the Thames, surrounded by millions of people and yet completely alone and quiet.

I’d love to know, where do you want to go?

When is that going to happen?

Get lost?

If finding my way from point A to point B was a contest I’d lose. Every time. It’s not that I can’t navigate, I’m actually pretty good with a map. It’s that I can’t navigate without a map and I know that and yet every time I still think that for some reason this trip will be different. Today I’ll find my way to the new place without a map. This week I won’t get lost, I’ll be able to figure out where I am on my own. This afternoon I will just know which way north is and thus go the correct direction.




I am always wrong. And before someone tries to defend me and explains that I’m really not bad with directions, well, just consider the following-


I once drove the wrong way across an entire state. On the interstate. And it was daytime. More than 4 hours the wrong way. Didn’t notice until I was at the rest stop and looked at the “You Are Here” star on the  map. Thankfully I saw the map. Otherwise I might not have stopped till we hit Canada.


I once got lost walking from my car to a creek that I had just driven over. To be fair- 2 other people were with me. But our 250ish foot walk ended up being over a quarter mile and we still never found the creek. Nor did we realize we had walked too far until we saw the interstate.


I once got on a random bus in Korea and then rode it to the end of the line. Why? I have no idea, it seemed like an OK idea at the time. After the driver forced me off in the middle of nowhere I spent several hours walking along weedy roadsides and waving at staring locals until I eventually stumbled across another stop and caught a bus back toward the city.


I once went for a walk in a forest in NC with 3 other people, all of whom were experienced wilderness professionals. We became so lost on our “30 minute walk” that we almost built shelters and camped for the night. No food, no phones, no supplies. I wasn’t in charge of that near disaster but I credit my direction-impairing aura with influencing their own abilities since they hike for a living.


I once tried to go to church just south of Houston and spent over two hours looking for it before giving up. Long after it would have been too late to attend, I was just trying to find the place at that point. I finally threw in the towel and went to a Mexican flea market instead.  I passed the church not 10 minutes after I left, obviously sitting by a road I been down several times that morning.


The upside to all this is that I have seen some really amazing things that I might have missed otherwise. Things like a toothpick holder that was shaped like a man with cactus spines sticking out of his butt. Or fresh bear tracks, crossing over our own (though, creepily enough, we never saw said bear).


I think my sense of direction in other areas is just as bad. I always feel like today is the day I will know exactly what God wants me to do. It’s not that I can’t follow God’s will. It’s that I can’t follow God’s will without his regular guidance and yet every time I think that this time will be different.  That this move will be the move that puts me on the right road for good. That when I apply to this college or take this job or make these plans that this is when I’ll have my direction for the rest of my life. That this time when I get guidance it will be permanent. This time I won’t get confused. This will be the decision that I can handle on my own. That I’ve finally gotten the hang of this and I can totally wing it now.




I am always wrong. Not always that I am not in God’s will for me at the time, but it’s not a one-time thing. I always want him to just tell me what I should do and then I’ll go do that. A sort of  job placement. He doesn’t seem interested in leading me like that.


I once had horses and I was as happy as I’ve ever been. I thought I could raise and train them for the rest of my life and be supremely content. I’d like to say I gave that dream to God when he asked for it but to be honest he had to pry my cold, frantic fingers off one by one. And what could have been still hurts too much if I dwell on it.


I once joined the military, the Coast Guard. Everything came together so well, my tests and exams went far more smoothly than I had imagined and I scored better than I had any right to score. And I was being assigned to my #1 choice in field. Then I was given a medical discharge for a condition I don’t have, and though I had all the symptoms while I was there I haven’t been bothered once since I got out. And that was a  death of a dream.


I once went to Korea and I had an amazing time. I was scared and alone and completely dependent on God and I grew more than I thought possible. Love for a people I didn’t understand and couldn’t really talk to filled me and I was inspired by the opportunities I faced and the work I was being welcomed into with open arms by the people who were already there. Then I came home, back to the States, and “reality” set in and I let that passion drift away. And I was reasonable and I was logical and I never went back.


I once went to a missions college, full of hopes and excitement. I was going to become a missionary, and I was going to go on the field for 16 months. I passed my classes, I passed my evaluations, I dealt with issues that could have kept me here. I was fully approved. I didn’t go. There were a number of reasons and they were all good; to this day I wonder if I should have gone anyway. But I made my choice and I stuck with it. And I said bye to that dream as well.


I once moved to New Orleans to go to college. I fought the move with every fiber of my being. I hated to the city, I hated the thought of living there for 4 years, I hated that the school I wanted to attend had to be in a state I loathed. I fell head over heels in love with NOLA. I adore that city in a way I’ve never felt about anywhere else I’ve lived. I found an amazing church, made friends right away, and was excited to start classes for a major that perfectly fit my dreams. As if it had been written for me. And I couldn’t stay. No matter how hard I tried and I fought and I prayed there just weren’t any jobs and I ran out of money and I had to leave. I was so ashamed that almost just walked away into the streets and disappeared.


I once went to MN and doors opened for me at every turn. I began to work at an amazing job where I knew I had the chance to make a difference. I was surrounded by friends and people who truly cared about me. I found a great church and a great writing group and I got involved with the local arts scene.


And while I am filled with joy and excited for where I am there is a part of me that cannot help but wonder- how this chapter in my story going to end? I can see God’s hand all through my adventures, both the good and the bad. And I can see how each of those experiences has shaped and prepared me for the next one. Truly, all things have worked together for my good. But that doesn’t change the fact that I catch myself feeling nervous now, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Feeling like this is too good to be true, or at least too good to last for very long. But I’m going to enjoy it while I’m here and see what the future brings.


And I’m going to use my GPS while I’m in Uptown so I can avoid ending up in North Dakota.

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