I’m back

As you can see, blogging is a habit that is not coming easy for me.

On the other hand, that means I don’t spam your inbox! That’s a plus.

This is not really a post, it’s more of a notice that posts are coming.

Consider yourself warned.

Time to Refine

This blog is boring.

Why? Because even though I care about this topic I don’t really want to write about it. At least not in a deep, regular way. Not yet. Maybe someday when I have more perspective. There have only been a few posts on here that really wanted to write, and focusing on what I wish I could write when I would try to write has been illuminating.

Improv is my current obsession. I love it. I’ve loved it since the first time I went to see it live (back in March, I think?) and then I loved it even more once I took the class back in early summer. I’m currently taking another level 1 class on Tuesday nights at HUGE and starting next month I’ll be taking a level 2 class at ComedySportz on Saturday afternoons. I’ve always had a secret desire to act but I never had the faintest hope that I’d have the chance. Now that I’ve tasted it I am hooked.

Because of a writing group I’m a part of I’ve read my work out loud for the first time and had a taste of all the fear and junk that goes with that. And I’ve been forced to start critiquing other people’s work, something that is even harder for me than having mine critiqued. And because of having to go with nothing to share I’ve started writing more.

After writing group one day I met a woman who does story-telling contests. Attended my first one last month and was shocked by how much I enjoyed it! Something I want to get involved in this winter. It’s writing and speaking rolled into one, a chance to practice both in a friendly, open environment.

I’m doing Morning Pages again, every single day right after I get up. It’s killing me some mornings but it works, my output rises significantly when I do them. Doing them every day for less than a month has already led to pages more than average in my journal, tons of short story ideas, a few poems, and wanting to get this blog going again.

This is an excerpt from my first post here-

“I’ve put off starting this blog for months. I have thought about it, considered it, played with it, pondered it; I didn’t start it. I refused to commit. I didn’t feel sure of myself, I thought, “a blog needs a theme, a driving point- it needs to be built around something” and so I refused to start one.

Nothing has changed.

I still don’t don’t have a theme. I still think I need one. However, my refusal to start has more to do with pride and perfectionism than it does anything else. So I’m starting a flawed, vague blog that I will refine as I go.”

I am now refining that theme. I want to focus on improv and art and writing and story-telling; communication. The name still fits. Any improvement I’ve gained in learning to write and speak and act has been nothing more than persistence in failure, a determination to pursue these things even if I look and sound like a fool.

This has been my quote over this summer–

Failure is unimportant. It takes courage to make a fool of yourself.
~Charlie Chaplin

I repeat this to myself on a regular basis. No matter how ridiculous I look or sound or feel I am building into my life the skills and character I want to have in 20 years. Plus, in 20 years I’m certain I’ll still be making a fool of myself and the ability to not die of mortification will come in handy.

3/30

3/30.

 

That’s the new count on my 30×30 list. As of 6/25/11 I have “Tried Acting”.

 

It wasn’t what I expected when I wrote the list, I had visions of traditional theater in my mind- the lights, the props, the script. Well, I had the lights. The rest? Not so much.

 

I was part of a student show at the end of my improv class over at ComedySportz. There was a decent crowd, maybe 50 people? And I made a blooming idiot of myself in front of them. The best being the time I completely forgot what game I was playing and started playing a different one instead. My instructor just shook his head at me and called a time-out.

 

My other highly embarrassing moment was when I was supposed to be yelling out actions that started with the letter’s J & H- things like jogging heavily, jumping high, juggling hamsters, etc. I meant to yell “Jackalope Hunting” but instead jumped to center stage, put my hands on my hips, and confidently yelled “Jackalap!”. Well, it received a roar of laughter from the crowd but it also earned me a whistle from the referee and a boot off the stage.

 

Through this 10 week experience I did discover one unexpected thing-

 

I have an addiction to improv.

 

It was fast and hard. I LOVE improv. I love watching it and I love doing it. So, if all goes well, I’m taking level 2 this fall from the same place AND level 1 at a different theater. And yes, the classes do overlap a bit so for a month or so I’ll be doing improv twice a week. I’m rather psyched about that. I’m looking forward to the chance to improve and grow my skills, and to meet folks with similar interests.

 

So, back to the point of this post- 3 down, 27 to go. It’s a long list and I’ve got to pick up the pace considerably if I’m going to make it. Several of the goals are in progress right now, I’ll do a post soon with updates on those. Others are in the far future and are not even being considered at this point. And, of course, I also have my 6 month goals I recently updated for the 2nd half of 2011. 12 of those, 2 in each of 6 categories. I also work full time. And I’m joining the church I’ve been attending so I’m going to have small group two nights a month starting around Sept. And I’m looking for at least 1 more writing critique group to join.

 

I am going to be a busy little bee this fall.

I’m still alive

Despite evidence to the contrary I am alive and this blog has not been abandoned.

I could offer you all sorts of reasons why I haven’t updated, some actually valid.

I’m not going to do so. This blog, if nothing else, is biting hunks out of my pride. I know, normally blogs build pride issues. And I’m certain that if I posted regularly and had tons of comments I would feel proud of myself and my skills. But since I cannot manage to post when I say I will, struggle to find anything to say, and get little to no feedback it becomes something more of a pride crusher.

I am, however, stubborn as a mule. Or so I’ve been told by most everyone who has been an authority in my life. So I am digging in. This blog will not beat me. If it dies it will be because I decide to let it go, not because I just drift away or give up.

All that to say- I am beginning again. Again.

Flower Woes

I bought a gardenia a few weeks ago. They are one of my favorite flowers, the scent of them takes me back summers as a kid and the bush that grew by my grandmothers front porch. I saw a display of them at a grocery store just before Easter and were such cute little things. I looked through them and found the one that had the most buds, 14, and bought it. I carefully avoided the ones that were already blooming, promising myself that if I had patience then I’d have a longer time to enjoy my new flower once I got it home.

Excited for how amazing my room was going to smell I placed my little friend in the window and I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

I’ve yet to see a bloom

Turns out that despite my grandmothers casual care of her bush, just sticking it in the ground and letting it go, gardenias are finicky beasts and many hobby gardeners spend YEARS trying to get on to bloom. Or even to just survive. Then they get therapy and and medication to deal with the stress.

This makes me want to cry a little. I gave her a new pot, fresh dirt, fertilizer, water, and sun. But not too much water or sun. Nonetheless I have an adorable little bush with yellowing leaves that drop off at an alarming rate and the occasional bud that tempts me by looking like it will open before laughing at me and falling off instead. Plus, she learned a new trick this week and has allowed a colony of mites to take up residence! Spiteful thing.

The Start

I’ve put off starting this blog for months. I have thought about it, considered it, played with it, pondered it; I didn’t start it. I refused to commit. I didn’t feel sure of myself, I thought, “a blog needs a theme, a driving point- it needs to be built around something” and so I refused to start one.

ANY CHARACTER HERE

Nothing has changed.

ANY CHARACTER HERE

I still don’t don’t have a theme. I still think I need one. However, my refusal to start has more to do with pride and perfectionism than it does anything else. So I’m starting a flawed, vague blog that I will refine as I go.

ANY CHARACTER HERE

Failing forward.

ANY CHARACTER HERE

It’s an idea I’ve been chewing on for a few months now. Failure as a means of advancement. There’s an uncomfortable thought. One that deserves it’s own post. Until then I will add only this- failure is a verb, not a noun.

ANY CHARACTER HERE

You and I fail, we are not failures.



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